Cigar

It depends on your point of view, relaks, I’ll tellin my side no matter how mad you can be,

 I don’t care anyw. Enjoy~

First time I know him, it caused by a fucking heartbroken. Yeah, im tearing apart at that time and mostly doing something stupid like I always do. I know I have asthma on my own, but I choose not to care at all, even him made me suffocate, I just need the pain to replace over my sadness. I cant be too gloomy rest of my live isn’t? so I pick him for enjoy the frustation on my own. Its not bad although, I enjoy it, over and over again, but I don’t wanna die young so I don’t kissed him (my lovely metaphor) too much on a day. I build my own rules and regulations. For me, by me and because I love me.

I know my eks hate it so bad, and I laugh loud when I realize what I could do and capable doing it and how its look like when he saw me kissed it with pleasure. At first time my intention is made him mad and never show his sorrowfull face over again in front of me, but suddenly I just simply in love with him.

Him, who I can bought it for about 16thousand rupiahs, never told me with a bad word what I can do and donts, he’s only beside me and never leave, and I love to sniff his great smell on my hand, a bold tobacco lovely odor, smell right a manlike, but I don’t need to suffer with drama no more only to sniff him whom I like do it so much. Him, my only guilty pleasure of mine. Him, the only thing who cant make me cry.

I kissed him when I feel alone and need a sweet companion. Im trying enjoying this alone in the loneliness, when the sky getting dark, it just me, him and we drive away somewhere to forget what made me sad at the first point. Im not try to impress anybody or trying to show off what I can do when mostly people saying a bad sentences at me when kissed him around. I don’t care what people think about me, I know it have his own risk, but let me enjoying my time with him the one who never speak but burn burn burn down the pain for me.

I know im weak. Im not trying to cover up my weakness and play a still strong game with kiss him. Nah! I just try to figure it all with some dizzy sensation to hold on. Good people will try to make me understand and some other just tryin to look my mistake and make it me look more horibble behind my back. I don’t need their point of view, I just try to focus who else who truly care on me no matter how miserable being I am.

Maybe some pure love can make this addiction go away and change itself. But in the middle of nowhere, I just kiss him to replace the man who I cant kiss in a real live. So let it be, I over enjoyed my too much me time, and need to be found soon. Dear, my soon dearest. I beg you an apologize, I just not to well when doing some waiting on you patiently. This might screw your mind about me, im so sorry. I just need some runaway pals without decrease my stupid addiction on the wrong men. So, I light it up, make the loneliness go away and still waiting for you like forever. Soon enough I’ll promise you I’ll stop this useless nonsense addiction and turn it up to change my addiction only on you. My lovely one.